Man and woman watching a football game

Living the smart life means applying intelligence to the truly important things, and hopefully you aren’t surprised by how many of those occur outside the office. It’s astonishing how many vital events are entirely over-hassled because the organizer doesn’t put in the effort, because you’d think they’d care more about their own time with friends than they do about the quarterly reports. In this article, we’re looking at some seriously slick options for that ultimate cross-denominational sacrament: the Big Game (insert relevant Bowl/Cup/Open title for your own favorite way of knocking balls around). All we know is it involves friends, fun, and a few intelligent items can make it all so much better you wouldn’t believe it.

The Ultimate Game Remote

To call this “cool” would be to call the wheel “convenient” — it’s such a revolutionary application of the obvious, but vitally, only obvious after you’ve already seen it. Behold this pinnacle of sofa-bound technology and try to tell us it’s not ingenious. Because then we’ll know who’s a liar.

Opener Remote

The Clicker

The “Clicker” can open your beer and control your television. It’s the actual high point of game day technology — you couldn’t improve it, because the only other item you could possibly add would be a dialysis machine and no one wants to hold that. Never again will you be fumbling for an opener, or worse, permanently destroying your tabletop trying to do that edge-opening thing that never works right. It focuses your already-existing awareness of where the remote is into a new and even more useful task. And only $24 for such a genius idea! At that price-per-genius, and basing value on real applications as opposed to time-wasting, the iPhone should sell for sixty cents.

Remote Control Beer Cooler

Even the most ingenious opener (see above, and we know you’ve just read that but we really feel the need to refer to it again) needs beer to actually open, and now even beer runs can be brilliant. Instead of the ancient, honorable art of Bladder Mercy — where the first to crack and go to the bathroom must carry back beer enough for everyone — simply load up the RC Cooler and enjoy serving beer even more than before.

Radio Controlled Cooler

The RC Cooler

Yes, that’s a remote control car carrying cold ones. It’s like a Dalek decided to make up for all the evil it’s ever inflicted. Simply steering it is fun and a half, and if you can’t think of other entertaining options for a mechanical ice truck, well, you’re probably over at looking up that three-letter “f” word we just used.

The Telestrator

You might not know the word, but you love the function: the ability to freeze the screen and draw exactly how you know better than the multi-million dollar athlete who just screwed up on national television.

An Example of Telestration Use

Telestration: Using technology to shout "He should have gone this way!"

It’s called a “Telestrator”, and you can have one right now. The certainly-not-misunderstandable “FingerWorks” offer a free demo program for your PC, allowing you to overlay extra comments on any presentation in the office, or any game at home. With an increasing number of sportsfans streaming live events through their computers, this could be to post-game discussions what fire was to cuisine.

The Omega Montage Elite

The comfy chair isn’t just a place to keep your ass, it’s a Throne of Pleasure. Even the hardest worker needs to sit back — in fact, they enjoy it more, as any smart-living person knows that relaxation is far more enjoyable after some good solid accomplishment. That’s where the Omega Montage Elite appears — it might sound like the final boss in a game about blowing up aliens, but it is to sitting what the Sistine Chapel is to interior decoration.

The Omega Montage Elite Massage Chair

The Omega Montage Elite

The Omega has more massage settings and heat than Thailand, is so customizable it’s computer controlled, and even though it’s equipped with more human-centric hardware than the Terminator, it can still stretch all the way back for the ultimate in reclination.

The Omega Montage Elite Fully Reclined

The Ultimate In Reclination Technology

It’s also a sign of success simply for existing: it costs four thousand dollars. So yeah, sit back and relax.

If you’re in one of these, you really have earned it.

Image credit: gchutka / iStockphoto