Live help. I love eBay’s live help, with their outsourced-to-god-knows-what-country reps trying to sound American, their canned responses, and let’s not forget their great ability to fail at multi tasking as they “serve” multiple chat windows at once.

As I am forever an optimist, or perhaps I am just a masochist, I have put myself through this eBay-induced-hell about once every 1-2 months. I hold out the hope that one day they will train their reps, or at least find ones who have actually been to the ebay site.

Here is the way it goes down:

1. I introduce myself, and reprovide (per request) the information I already entered in the pre-chat box.

2. I thoroughly explain my problem, and outline all of the steps I have taken as an attempt to solve it myself. Let’s say I am having trouble uploading pictures for the sake of example.

3. I get a canned “I will be happy to assist you with this issue!” response.

4. I sit on hold for about 5 mins until I finally ask “Are you still there?”

5. Rep comes back, and explains to me how to leave feedback.

6. I politely explain to the rep how nice that is, except I have been leaving feedback for the last 8 yrs, have that part down, and didn’t ask.

7. Rep apologizes and says they are still looking into it.

8. I sit on hold for about 5 mins until I finally ask “Are you still there?”

9. Rep comes back, and explains to me how to change my password.

10. Thanks again for the info, however… still not my question. At this point, I question them about whether they READ my question?

11. Apologies all around. Now back to our story.

12. The rep then explains the basic steps of how to add pictures. And explains it wrong.

13. I spend the next 5 mins training them on the way you ACTUALLY add pictures, as they quite obviously have never used the ebay site.

14. Then I remind him/her that I never asked how to do so. I am reporting a problem I am having whereas the normal way is not working. I repeat the issue and the steps I have taken to resolve it on my own.

15. Holding… holding… holding…

16. They again explain to me the normal way to add pics.

17. Me -> Hello? Have you read anything I have typed? That isn’t the correct way to add pics, and that isn’t my question! Is there someone there who can answer this for me???

18. Holding… holding…. holding…

19. You are going to need to take that up with customer support (ummmm.. what are you?) A link to the support page I could have already gone to myself, as it is on internet speedial, is then posted by the rep.

20. “Can I help you with anything else?”

21. Else? Ummm… did you help me with something? Oh yes, he/she helped me waste 45 mins of my life and now I have run out of time to work and have to get my daughter from school.
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(2) the best advice for avoiding an unproductive and money-wasting eBay transaction

Shop somewhere else? Ok, I guess you don’t want the obvious answers. Check their DSRs, # of recent negative feedbacks & member since date. Also see if they are id verified and paypal verified. See how many feedbacks have been revised (it is toward the left of the feedback page.) Most importantly, check WHAT the negative feedbacks SAY. If the feedbacks say “post office took forever to deliver” ignor those feedbacks. However, if the feedbacks say “seller didn’t ship for a month, then sent it by a lower class mail than I paid for” run for cover.

Also look for feedbacks that say:

- item not new as stated in listing
- I paid for 2 but only got 1
- seller is not answering their emails
- seller did not respond until I opened a paypal dispute
- this isn’t what I ordered
- package was insured, but seller refused to process the claim

these are just a few examples of what to look for. Obviously if the seller has quite a few feedbacks, and negatives rarely occur in their profile, then it should be fine. Especially if their communication & service is praised in the positives. Remember, good sellers get wackos from time to time. So look for patterns of abuse, not a stray issue here and there. And look for sellers who have plenty of feedback to look at.