Smart people might look at the summer sun shining down and think “photosynthesis,” but smarter people are thinking “this is great!” as they enjoy a cool drink with good friends. It’s party season with patios, decks (both house and yacht), barbecues, and picnics providing more fun and relaxation than the contents of a pharmacy (and without the legal problems involved in trying to share them with your friends).
One of the greatest pleasures in existence is a cool drink on a hot day, and all of human history has been building on that. At the start it was essentially un-fun stuff like “clean water” and “not dying of thirst,” but now we’re at the stage of cool gadgets for cooler drinks. We’ve found 7 great ways to chill out the fluids which chill out your guests. Enjoy!
1. Ice Stones
Proper parties consume ice so quickly we have to buy bags of the stuff, despite having machines named after how they can turn tapwater into the stuff. Upgrade your ice supply with some supremely stylish stones, and get a free (if terrible) joke about “on the rocks” with every drink you ever serve! (Warning: do not attempt that joke until they’ve had a few.)
These stones aren’t just cool, they’re an essential for the mixologist. Ice cubes melt, which might not be news to you but spells disaster for finely balanced drinks. Keep them cool without dilution with a bag of ice stones. Bonus: you need never run out of ice again.
2. Cooper Cooler
The Cooper Cooler is instant chill whenever you want it.
They style themselves as high-end, with the wine clearly visible in promotional pictures, but their website points out that it can cool cans in 60 seconds before even mentioning the expensive grape juice. This is a firm that knows who needs things cooler faster. While a wine group has plenty of time to let drink chill, breathe, and do various other things than enter your bloodstream, come barbecue or game time (or both if you’re particularly brilliant with the outdoor display) you’ll need a non-stop factory line of cold ones. This machine, a 24, and any friends lucky enough to be invited.
3. Ice Shot Glasses
Why waste time with things you can’t drink? Ice shot glasses answer that question, keep your drink cold, and throw in an excuse to drink it quickly for free. The infinite supply of shot glasses (and excuse to get Greek in your celebrations by smashing stuff) are mere side effects.
Quick note: these are strictly for fun, as the human body operates at far above the melting point of ice, but it turns out that quick drinks and fun aren’t entirely unrelated. Anyone holding one of these will find they get wet and slippery quite quickly, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, just make sure it’s that kind of party. You can buy ready-made molds online, or even follow these instructions to make them yourself. And yes, the latter does obey the “Cool DIY Project” rule of involving Duct Tape.
A combination of impossible opposites, electrical light and liquids, and of course drink is involved (as the function, and quite probably during the planning meetings.) Litecubes are chunks of FDA-approved freezable gel in non-toxic plastic, wired up with bright lights and enough battery power for 12 hours. And unlike most small devices you activate and use on other people to change their experience, they can be turned on and off!
5. USB Cooler
The two rules of electronics at outdoor parties: if there’s a laptop it had better be the one setting the music, and if you’re setting the music you deserve a drink.
The USB Can Cooler chills your beverage, and being honest it’s far more useful for an office desk or gaming rig. But that’s far less fun to imagine. Many USB Coolers rather optimistically imagine they can cool an entire drink through the base (despite how such supercooling technology would be better used capturing the Human Torch because they’re both imaginary). This cooler actually cools things, without which you’re left with “er.” As in “Er, why did I buy a useless pad which cools the one part of the can I don’t experience?”
6. Steins of Science
If you ever need to get a gift for someone who likes beer (aka “Someone worth getting a gift for”) then we’ve just saved you time. And started you wondering if you can counting yourself as worth a gift. Protip: you are.
The Steins of Science are modern laboratory gear applied to drinking, because that’s where people make truly important discoveries, constructed by an actual nuclear scientist for optimum preservation of an even more important substance. Understand: this man spends his working day making sure nuclear material isn’t leaking, then spends his own time working on beer and coffee. There hasn’t been a better set of priorities since — “We hold these truths to be self-evident….”
You want further proof that a genius is building things for those smart enough to want them? He has a cut-price section for Prototypes, experiments in conceptual and literal coolness. How many people can swig beer from a scientific experiment? (Answer: you, if you buy one!)
7. The Ultimate Cooler
The smartest thing in the world is preparation and planning (just ask Batman), so we have to finish with the perfection of cold storage. This makes the cryogenic vault storing the brains of Einstein and Tesla look stupid. The Coleman 54-quart steel-belted cooler doesn’t just protect your beer from the summer sun — it could protect them through a nuclear winter and let future species know about this human glory called “Beer.”
It’s not cheap, but it’s not beatable either. If you need to carry a lot of beer somewhere, and are the sort of hero who believes understands that a cold beer after hard travel isn’t just nice but a glory of civilization, you won’t find better.
Image credit: hdoggrafix / iStockphoto